Peer pressure starts at birth, as it should!

We all tell our kids not to give in to peer pressure, but let’s face it, that’s a crock. We, as proper, rule-abiding society, created peer pressure and live by it everyday.

There would be no society at all without peer pressure.

It’s the masses pressuring the individual to conform to their ways. It’s why nobody walks down the street naked – or, for that matter, why nobody walks down the street wearing a bonnet or bell bottom pants when they’re out of style. It’s why we have a common language, why we all say “hello” when we answer the phone, why we eat with utensils instead of our hands –because we want to fit in and we care what people think.

Imagine if we didn’t.

Society meshes because everyone, somewhere along the way, has decided to think like everyone else in certain important ways.

The other day, I found myself luring my 2-year-old to try a piece of lunchmeat by saying, “Sarah eats this. Come on, it’s good.”

We were taking a walk with some friends and their daughters when one friend told her toddler, “Everyone else is back in their strollers. Don’t you want to get in yours?”

So, how do we have any authenticity when we finally get to the point where we have to warn our teenagers about peer pressure? Don’t do what the rest of the group does, we say. Who cares what everyone thinks?

We’ve spent years telling our children that everyone else’s opinion is extremely important! That’s because peer pressure is the only thing that pulls children out of their own sense of self rule and brings them in synch with the rest of society.

Maybe what we should tell our children is to hone their skills for judging character. Emulate the right people and the right behaviors.

If you’re hanging out with the Honor Society, it’s perfectly fine to follow that crowd into good grades and positive futures. If you’ve just met Ghandi (unlikely, since he’s no longer around, but you get the point), it’s fine to follow his peaceful ways.

If you’ve just met DMX, maybe you shouldn’t follow him into an airport with a gun and some cocaine.

It’s a fine line, but one that’s pretty well-inked.

Character recognition, smart decisions, recognizing trouble and the clear goal of avoiding it. These concepts may be much more complicated than the idea of “peer pressure” but more accurately describe the thought process that young people must go through each day in order to get to the other side of this complicated thing we call adolescence.

Get out of my face, please!

Our goal is to raise considerate, responsible children, right? Then why are we sending our kids such loud and clear mixed messages about acceptable behavior?

It’s normal for teenagers to push the envelope in their struggle for independence. That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m referring to the way adults have created a major marketing fad built around disrespect.

Would everyone just get out of my face, already?!

I’m sorry to be so pushy about the whole thing, but I’m trying to keep with the current tone, speak the language of today. As they say on MTV … who’m I kidding, I don’t know what they say on MTV.

All I know is, as much as teenagers believe that today’s videos, TV shows and clothing are speaking loudly and clearly to them - perhaps tapping into the depths of their angst-ridden souls - we all know the truth. Adults are behind all forms of merchandise and media. A select group of over-30 geniuses has decided to make lots of money catering to young people’s base emotions.

Take, for instance, the attitudinal dolls that terrorize the Care Bears sharing aisle space with them at the local toy store. Have you seen these things? Skimpy clothes, heavy eye shadow, smirks. The boy versions make heartthrobs out of young men who will someday either serve hard time at San Quentin or flip burgers as a “career choice.”

And we thought Barbie was a bad role model.

In the clothing section, young girls can choose from a wide assortment of tight belly shirts that read: “Get out of my face!”, “It’s all about me,” and “Brat.” Rudeness is mistaken for strength. Greed represents ambition.

Everyone’s rebellious, loud and obnoxious.

We seem intent on raising a brood of inconsiderate troublemakers. We’re also trying our darnedest to raise a society of women who believe that shaking their bodacious booties on the hood of someone’s pimped out ride is the way to get ahead.

I’ve got to tell you, it’s hard raising a nice girl in this atmosphere. With every outside influence, that nice girl is called upon to bust out her “bad girl” persona –the one that’s highly valued in her peer group and, thanks to those over-30 geniuses, well represented everywhere she looks.

Maybe I’m just sensitive. I am one of those people who mistakenly believed I should follow the rules. I was the good kid. Orchestra. National Honor Society. Said “no” when I was supposed to say “no” – at least for the most part. You know what that got me? I’m the one without the good stories.

I was eating dinner with friends the other night and the conversation inevitably turned to the reckless abandon of their youths. Drugs, lying, drinking, debauchery. Would they have applauded the fact that I never smoked pot? No. I had absolutely nothing to add to the conversation and felt ashamed of that fact.

So, I ask you: What’s a person to do? What is actually expected of us in this society?

All I know is that I cannot stand to hear another teenager yelling, “I’ll be back when I’m back, Mom. God, you’re so annoying!” Or I should say, I can’t stand to see another parent back off when their teenager steps so horribly out of line.

Adults need to consider the messages we send to kids. This is, after all, a country built on rebellion and independence. It’s in our blood. We value free thinkers. We want people to stand out from the crowd. That’s all good.

Our dilemma is how to channel individualism into something positive. I certainly don’t want my daughters to think like the rest of the herd. I want them to separate themselves in every creative, ambitious way possible.

I just want them to say excuse me if they happen to step on the foot of another member of that herd, and I don’t, at any point, want them to give the finger to one of their herd members. Be kind to the crowd, just rise above it whenever possible.

Is that so much to ask?