Idle no more

At about the age of 12, your children begin to drift away from structured activities such as sports and clubs. They want more time to devote to the limited social sphere they’re creating.

In other words, they want to talk on the phone, eat snacks and watch TV all day. When they’re feeling lazy, they skip the phone and go straight to the snacks and TV. Sometimes, even the snacks require too much effort. (If this isn’t your kid, well, uh … it’s not mine, either.)

When your child says, “I don’t wanna ...”, you’ll feel it your parental duty to listen. After all, you’ve seen “Mommy Dearest” and vowed not to domineer over your children. You may let your child shy away from activities that “bore” or “annoy” them.

The problem is, they’re opting out for the wrong reasons.

They don’t want to play sports anymore because it forces them into a world of confidence and expectations that exceeds what they feel capable of during the most awkward of years.

Remember this, once a child melds with the couch, it’s incredibly hard to pry them off. A sedentary child will have little incentive for “effort.”

You must keep your children involved in something, anything, especially during those vital ages of 10 to 15. During those years, MTV calls to them from somewhere deep inside teendom – “watch me,” “emulate me,” “be me.”

The truth is, life happens somewhere outside the comfort zone. Despite its claims, MTV isn’t the “real world.”

My daughter excels at basketball. She only remembers this when she takes to the court and allows herself to get lost in the experience. Then, her natural shyness melts away into the roar of an exuberant crowd.

Before each basketball practice, she moans, “I’m tired. I don’t want to go.”

“I know, honey, but you have a responsibility to go,” I tell her.

After all, she does. What she doesn’t realize is that her responsibility is to herself as much as to her coach and teammates. She has a responsibility to keep her juices flowing in a positive way. She has a responsibility to remind herself daily just how amazing she can be when she pushes past her insecurities and doubts.

She has a responsibility to use her skills.

So she attends practice and drags herself to games, where about midway through she remembers how it feels to control the ball all the way down the court despite other people’s attempts to grab her glory.

She inevitably makes a basket. Then another. She stands taller, runs faster. She is all that she can be.

Life makes total sense on the basketball court. Clear boundaries. Obvious goals. Immediate success.
Nobody cares about how well she applied her eyeliner or lipgloss. She can be herself.

It’s a parent’s duty to create as many of these opportunities as possible for our children, who will undoubtedly resist them for the same reason we all resist the things that challenge us. Failure scares us.

Around the age of 10, our children ask us to stop challenging them. We have to refuse. Bring on the sign-up sheets.