Teen talk: A dramatic reenactment

The following is a dramatic reenactment of a conversation between a parent and a 13-year-old. It replicates any given conversation at any given time:

Parent: “Sweetheart, you set the house on fire. Why did you do that? There are flames everywhere.”

Teen: “I didn’t do it!”

Parent: “But you’re holding a used match and you have lighter fluid in your hand.”

Teen: “So.”

Parent: “Oh my God! The whole house is going to burn down!”

Teen: “It’s not fair. You blame me for everything!”

Parent: “But you’re holding the match!!”

Teen: “You never told me not to burn down the house.”

Parent: “No, I guess I never actually said the words, ‘Don’t burn down the house,’ but it was assumed.”

Teen: “You told me not to stay up late, not to eat too much junk food, not to talk back, but you NEVER, EVER told me not to burn down the house, I SWEAR ON MY LIFE!”

Parent, perplexed: “That’s not the point. Help me put out this fire!”

Teen: “But I didn’t start it.”

Parent: “Then who did?”

Teen, rolling eyes, hands on hips: “How would I know?”

Parent: “But you’re holding the match!”

Teen: “You blame me for everything.”

Parent: “Young lady, if you don’t help put out this fire, you’re grounded.”

Teen: “God, that is so unfair, you don’t even know.” Storms off to her room, flames all around her, and slams the door.

Mother proceeds to put out the fire.